Hunger at Bay
by Thorn In Your Side
Summary: Mugen and Jin find out how Fuu stays impervious to starvation. Mildly crackish.


**Hunger at Bay**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Samurai Champloo.**

**A/N: I didn't know Samurai Champloo **_**had **_**a goddamn fanfiction account. :O**

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x**

"How does she do it?"

Jin glowered at the young girl's back. Mugen picked his teeth.

"What're you whinin' about now, pretty boy?"

"Don't call me—never mind. Fuu. How is she _**never **_affected by hunger?"

The champloo swordsman extended his stride, pulling ahead of his bespectacled compatriot. "Fuckin' nags our brains out, doesn't she? Must keep her tiny bitch stomach full."

"You're hopeless." Jin turned his sharp nose up at the straw-chewing failure. Fuu scampered ahead, calling back a warning about…a pit, or something.

"You wanna piece of this?" Mugen clamped a hand to his sword's hilt, ignoring her. Jin kept his eyes on the vagrant's ankles. One step, two steps—and the pit Fuu warned against came up. Mugen fell hard.

Fuu's hair flew in the wind as she swiveled around exasperatedly. "Mugen you big dummy, you have two left feet and no ears at all!"

"Fuckin' broad! Shut up!"

Jin passed him by with a well-fitting smirk. "Going to pieces by a change in topography. And you think you're worth fighting?"

"You too, pretty boy." Mugen righted himself with hardly a wince and walked again. Favoring his right ankle…

Jin smirked some more.

Fuu's voice grew to an insistent whine. "You guys are so slow! What the hell are you doing, can't you walk any faster! How are we _**ever **_going to find the sunflower samurai like this is beyond me and I swear you're dragging your feet on purpose! Mugen! I'm talking to _**you**_!"

"Jin does it too, get off my case woman. We let you get way ahead to get some freakin' peace; why can't you take a hint?"

She stood stubbornly, crossing her arms and pushing her lips together. "Nuh-uh! The last time I let you put some distance between us you two ran off and I ended up in a brothel! That is _**not **_going to happen again."

Mugen stomped past her with a grin and a ruffle of her hair. "'Course it ain't, I'd come back for you sooner this time."

"He's not denying that we'd try and run away," Jin muttered. Fuu let him go past her and then stalked after them, picking up her thread of rant easily.

"You know it never even feels like you're my bodyguards. We only have to hit civilization before I get kidnapped or mugged or harassed or—or—I don't know _**what **_and I don't know _**what **_you guys are doing when all this crap happens to me—"

"Bitch, please. We're there to save you, aren't we?"

"Yeah _**after **_you finish stuffing your face with tempura noodles—"

"Ahem." Jin's voice lifted in self-defense. "I don't believe I've ever delayed rescue in order to… 'stuff my face' with any noodles, tempura or otherwise."

"No, Jin. You delay rescue in order to finish your shougi game. With the man that wanted to sell me as a slave!"

Mugen scratched his chin thoughtfully as the pale samurai sniffed at her bite. "To be fair to pretty boy," he said, "He didn't know the old fart was behind it all. None of us did."

"Thank you, Mugen."

"Don't mention it, vampire breath."

Jin's sword was out in a flash.

Fuu was between them in another.

"You guys have _**got **_to learn how to get along. Or at least not hate each other. Jeez!"

"I don't hate him," Jin said calmly, "I have merely sworn to drench my blade in his blood and scatter his entrails for the seagulls' breakfast."

"And that's a sign of love in what culture…?"

"Move aside, Fuu. If pretty boy wants a taste of _**my **_blade then I don't wanna disappoint the mofo."

She brooded a bit, calculating. Three days since their last real meal…she smiled abruptly and stepped to the side. "Alright. You have my permission to duel to the death. Enjoy yourselves, okay?"

Sure they were surprised but they were also dying to get at each other so they leapt—

And collapsed in an exhausted heap.

Hunger bites.

The hours sped by in a blur of heat and sunshine and incessant chatter (Fuu. Like Jin would ever open his mouth for longer than it took to express his utter loathing of all things Mugen, and like Mugen would ever expend unnecessary energy on talking when he was fucking starving). Night fell as hard as Mugen had, and Jin called a pitching of the camp (flopping on the grass) when Fuu fell nearly forty steps behind.

Dinner was served. Sweet mountain air and bitter spit. Stomachs growled. Fuu's army, like any other, marched on its belly. Mugen lost it in a foul moody fit.

"Aaarrgghh! Why don't we ever have anything to eat!"  
Jin coped by getting catty. "I would venture it has something to do with your tendency to spend all the money on yourself."

"You son of a bitch—"

"Oh, give it a rest you guys." Fuu stayed tartly lovable. "Just go to bed."

"Right, with my fuckin' tum roarin' its head off? Fat chance. I should just eat _**you**_."

Fuu blew a strand of hair out of her face. "Jeez, some man you are. Always crying like a baby about food…"

"Crying like a human, you mean." Jin sounded put out. "Fuu, we need sustenance. Unlike you."

The girl dropped her chin to her hands. "What? What's _**that **_supposed to mean?"

"Jin thinks you're a demon." A grin cut Mugen's nasty face. "He thinks you're sucking his body fluids when he's sleepin'. You never complain that you're hungry."

"That's just 'cause I have a higher tolerance for hunger than you two do!" she scoffed.

"Yes," Jin said patiently, "But how?"

She squirmed excitedly. "You guys wanna know?"

"Duh."

"Yes."

She leaned in, eyes sparkly with mischief. "Come closer, I'll tell ya."

Mugen groaned and crawled over on all fours. "Fuck it. Tell me."

Jin scooted over. "Mm."

"The secret is…" she stuck her arms between her legs and popped her breasts in their faces. "These!"

Mugen stared at the inch of cleavage. "I don't get it."

"Dummy!" Fuu slapped him upside the head. "My body stores food there for emergency purposes!"

A shocked kind of _women can do that? _silence rung between the mountain and valley.

"But…" Jin blinked. "They're simply not big enough."

Mugen gave a bark of laughter.

"Bigger'n yours, pretty boy."

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x**

**I have nothing to say. XD **


End file.
